i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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