All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
