please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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