wakey wakey hands off snakey
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
