I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
