the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
