dude i'm inner monologue high
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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