i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
