I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
