What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
