I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
