In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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