Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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