youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
