Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
