There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
