Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
