I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
