Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
