watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
