omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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