If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
