you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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