as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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