3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
