I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm passing your future prison.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
