she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like, not good at living.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
