If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
