i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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