I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am naked and annoyed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
