I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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