He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
