While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
