She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
