She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
