Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
