Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
