Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
