Duck Duck Cougar?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
