Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and she was petting her beer can
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
