why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
