boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
