Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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