you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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