You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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