Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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