I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
