i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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