Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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