My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
