HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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