I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
