When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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