last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
